可怜的东西

The night before me and Joanna were lying in bed, hands clutching together. “You are so full of joy and naive, like you grew up in a garden and have never been hurt by the world.” Indeed, lots of people like me because of the bubbly nature of me. Perhaps i need to experience the bad and brutality to grow up. This morning in the airport we rewatched lalaland. I cried. Long ago I had a dream, I almost forgot about it. I feel unwell for days, wanting to throw up and knocked myself on the wall. When I told my boyfriend that I may be overstimulated from school and films and thoughts, he told me I just missed him so much. I said I’m sick. He said he was sorry. I watched the poor things and found the bella in me. A girl trapped in a big house, wanting to go on adventures and see the world. She’s cruel, reckless, empathetic and powerful. What really trapped her are men, who want control and wisdom, occupation and self-esteem. Their love worth nothing. Their words are toxic. Run Bella,run away from this mess, this jungle of tangled ropes.