依然爱丽丝

早上好，能来到这里是我的荣幸。
诗人Elizabeth Bishop曾经说过:“失去的艺术并不难掌握，很多事情看上去都终究会失去，这种失去并不意味着灾难。”
我不是诗人，我只是一个患有阿尔兹海默症的普通人，正因为如此我发现我每天都在学习失去的艺术，失去我的理智和方向，失去了物件，失去了睡眠，最重要的是失去了记忆。
我一生都在积累各种各样的记忆，某种意义上成为了我最珍贵的资产，我遇见我丈夫的那一天，第一次拿着我写的教科书的时候，有了孩子，交了朋友，环游世界，都是我生活中的积累，都是我工作努力的原因。
现在一切都被剥夺了，你们可以想象或者你们也经历过，这简直就是地狱，但一切还在变得更糟，我们早已不是原来的自己，谁还能认真的对待我们，我们怪异的举止和笨拙的话语改变了他人对我们的看法，也改变了我们对自己的看法，我们变得可笑，失去能力又滑稽，都不是我们该有的样子，只是我们的疾病让我们变成了这样。像其他疾病一样，某种原因导致患了这种病，同样会有一剂良方将其治愈。
我最大的愿望是我的孩子我们的下一代不用面对我们所正在面对的一切，但至少到目前为止我还活着，我有深爱的人，有我想完成的事，我责怪我不能记清事情，但每一天我都经历着纯粹的幸福和快乐，请不要认为我正在遭受痛苦，我并不痛苦，我再努力挣扎，挣扎着融入挣扎着继续和过去的我保持联系，我告诉我自己活在当下，这真的是我现在唯一能做到的，活在当下，不要被击垮，不要为了掌握失去的艺术而把自己击垮，尽管如此，我还是会努力记住今天在这里讲话，这段记忆会消失，我知道它会消失，也许明天就会消失，但今天在这里讲话对我意义重大，因为以前那个雄心勃勃的我总是被交流的魅力折服，感谢大家给我这次机会，这对我来说意义重大，谢谢


Good morning, it’s an honor to be here.
The poet Elizabeth Bishop once wrote:
The art of losing isn’t hard to master. So many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their lost is no disaster.
I am not a poet. I am a person living with early onset Alzheimer’s, and as that person I find myself learning the art of losing every day. Losing my bearings, losing objects, losing sleep, but mostly losing memories.
All my life, I’ve accumulated memories; they’ve become in a way my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband, the first time I held my textbook in my hands, having children, making friends, traveling the world. Everything I accumulated in life, everything I worked so hard for, now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell, but it gets worse.

Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were? Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences change other’s perceptions of us and our perceptions of ourselves. We become ridiculous, incapable, comic, but this is not who we are, this is our disease. And like any disease, it has a cause, it has a progression, and it could have a cure.
My greatest wish is that my children, our children, the next generation do not have to face what I am facing. But for the time being, I’m still alive, I know I’m alive. I have people I love dearly, I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able to remember things. But I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy. And please do not think that I am suffering, I am not suffering. I am struggling, struggling to be a part of things, to stay connected to who I once was.
So living in the moment I tell myself.
It’s really all I can do. Live in the moment, and not beat myself up too much, and, and not beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing.
One thing I will try to hold on to though is the memory of speaking here today. It will go, I know it will, it may be gone by tomorrow. But it means so much to be talking here today like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication.
Thank you for this opportunity. It means the world to me.
Thank you!