失恋排行榜

I didn’t realize and understand it until i see this:

如果你喜欢一个人，你会给她做一个mixtape，里面都是你喜欢的歌。可是如果你真的爱一个人，你为她录的mixtape是她喜欢的歌，让她开心的歌。

He said “I committed to nothing, no one. keep my options open. that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments.”

“I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really delivers.”

I’ve been living in my fantasy for so long, my fantasy about music, about romantic love… It’s never about someone particularly, it’s the fantasy in mind head, the irresistible temptation, the passion and feelings... I still enjoyed being love being cherished while even knowing this is not the type of romantic, desirable love that I want. But the thing is, does the love that I want really exist? Do I ever love someone or I only love the image that I created all in my head? And I get tired as soon as I found out they are not as perfect as I thought and then I left them hoping to find the soulmate that I’ve been longing for… and then I quickly through myself into another relationship, and i got disappointed again… it goes on and on

我总幻想这个世界有个人和我有相似的music taste，他喜欢indie喜欢post punk，会欣赏soul r&b，能偶然听到一首歌的时候和我异口同声地哼出来。我幻想他和我一样关注这个世界，这个世界上的歧视不公 这个世界糟糕的一面，他对心理学社会学也感兴趣。我幻想他也是个情感细腻的人，我幻想他可以和我有无数无数的共鸣，我幻想他是我的soulmate my best friend... 更重要的是他看得懂我，他理解我的感受我的痛苦我的不快乐，他很成熟 给我安全感让我依赖.... however does he even exist?

It’s miserable. I feel miserable. it’s like suicide killing me piece by piece… until it wears me out.