Mind your language S1E1
Ali:I am not going where I am looking.
Mr.Brown: No,no! I wasn't looking where I was going.
Ali: That makes the two of us!
Miss Countney: This is not unsatisfactory! This won't do at all.
I distinctly requested the Local Authority to send me a woman
teacher. Especially after the unfortunate incident involving Mr.
Warburton. I'm afraid he only lasted a month, then he departed.
Mr.Brown: Dead?
Miss Countney: Demented. Yes, the strain was too much for him.
Typical of the male sex! No stamina.
Mr.Brown: I'm Brown.
Ali: Oh no. You are committing a mistake.
Mr.Brown: Mistake?
Ali: Yes, you are not brown! We are brown! You are white.
Mr.Brown: My name is Brown! I'm your teacher.
Mr.Brown: What is your job?
Ranjeet: I'm a very important member of the British underground.
Mr.Brown: The underground what?
Ranjeet: Just the underground. Mind the doors.
Mr.Brown: Oh that underground.(=subway地铁)
Mr.Brown: Apart from one attempted murder and a possible race riot,
I think we're coping reasonably well.
Miss Countney: Well, we have one thing to be grateful for anyway.
Sex won't be rearing its ugly little head.
From past experience, it isn't race or religion that causes problems,
it's usually the presence of some foreign beauty. Jealousies,
intrigues, all sort of thing.
Giovanni: I never notice. You see its my eyes! I'm a little short
sighted. (And also a much big liar.) It's not true. Mr. Green.
Mr.Brown: The name is Brown.
Giovanni: You see! I'm a colour blind as well.
Ali: And you are asking for a kick up your big brown backside?
Su-lee: It is duty of every citizen to overthrow imperial warmongers.
So say Chairman Mao.
Mr. Brown: Ali. You are...
Ali: You are waiting for mu to speak an answer.
Mr. Brown: Well done.
Ali: Unfortunately, I am not understanding the question.
Mr. Brown: I want you to give me a sentence using 'You are...'
Ali: I am.
Mr. Brown: No, not 'I am', 'You are'! For example, you are from
Pakistan.
Ali: I am from Pakistan.
Mr. Brown: Yes, but now use 'You are'.
Ali: But I cannot say you are from Pakistan, because you are not, are
you?
Mr. Brown: Repeat after me. You are English.
Ali: No, I'm not! I'm from Pakistan. You are confusing me.
Ranjeet: You are stupid poof.
Ali: Don't you call me poof.
Ranjeet: Poof.
Miss Countney: Job getting you down already?
Mr. Brown: No, no, I'm fine! Never felt better. There's just one thing
rough. That window you nailed down! I think I ought to put a few more
nails in it.
Mind your language S1E2 An inspector calls
Juan: Por favor?
Miss Countney: Are you really as stupid as you look?
Juan: Por favor?
Mr. Brown: So we appear to be some missing, I hope they haven't
dropped out.
Ali: Please, it would notbe surprising me, I am always thinking that
Sikh, son of Guru, was a Punjabi drop out.(laugh at Ranjeet)
Ranjeet: I'm hearing what you are saying, you miserable spawn of a
jackal!
Mr. Brown: Don't you two start again! Actually, you are late.
Ranjeet: A thousand apologies for this unforgivalbe tardinees. But we
were all unavoidably detaained in the corridor by a lady...Sorry I forget
about her name. She was big lady, very large bosoms!
Su-lee: England is becoming more porriticarry minded, and gladually
more left wing.The overthrow of decadent capitaristic goverment will
soon take place. As working classes become more educated. And
embrace Communism as the true way of life. Workers revolution
getting nearer. With inevitabel collapse of Imperiaistic bougoise
intellectual society.
Mr. Brown: Yes! Well if thats what you like about England. I wouldn't
want to hear what you didn't like.
Taro: Excuse please. May I have small observations on young lady's
discourse, which will also irrustrate increased knowledge of English.
Young lady speak road of cobras!
Su-lee: Attitude typical of Fascist Nipponese!
Taro: Japan civilised country,not like China Ren by peasant.
Su-lee: Chinese not peasants!
Taro: Japanese not Fascist!.......I lose face, not my fault!
Mr. Brown: Never mind whose fault it was! Go and apologize!
Miss Countney: It has taken you 2 min 38 sec exactly to come to my
office immediately. I'm glad I didn't ask you to take your time.
Max: Danielle, what you do after class?
Danielle: I go back home to learn the English.
Giovanni: Hey, I'm going to learn English as well. Maybe we learn
together.
Danielle: Yes but what about poor Max?
Max: Yeah.
Giovanni: What about the poor Max? I'm crying my eyes out.
Danielle: I have an idea.
Giovanni: I have a lot of ideas.
Danielle: Why not you and Max study together?
Mr. Brown: I expect you'll a bit of difficulty finding your way round at
first. Things will seem rather strange.
Inspector: very strange.
Mr. Brown: It must be quite a change coming from one of the under-
developed countries to our more advanced way of life.
Inspector: Oh yes.
Mr. Brown: Still, your people are doing remarkably well. Did you fly
here?
Inspector: Fly?
Mr. Brown: Fly! In a big iron bird. Quite a change from riding an
elephant. Unless you came by Jumbo. haha~ English joke.
Giovanni: Professori.
Mr. Brown: You should call me Sir.
Giovanni: Oh, I understand. You have been to get knotted.
Mr. Brown: come again?
Giovanni: To become a Sir! you got knotted by the queen.
Mr. Brown: The word is knighted! And I'm not that kind of Sir.
Mr. Brown: Taro.
Taro: Aso.
Mr. Brown: Su-lee
Su-lee: present.
Mr. Brown: Ali.
Ali: Gift!
Mr. Brown: Gift?
Ali: I'm surprising you, no? Each day I am learning new English
word.And I am finding that gift is another word for present.
Mr. Brown: Very ingenious.
Mr. Brown: I'd better take down your particulars, otherwise I may get
into hot water.
Ali: You are going to have a hot bath?
Mr. Brown: No, Ali. It's just another way of saying I may get into
trouble.
Ranjeet: Oh Dear. You have been committing some grievous
misdemeanour?
Mr. Brown: Not at all.
I do assure you that Mr. Brown will be severely dealt with.
Ali: Blimey you are dropping a clinker.
Mr. Brown: You mean clanger. (Drop a clanger= say sth wrong)
Ali: Yes pls.
Mind your language S1E3 A Fate worse than death
Ali: How about ajelly good shirt? Guaranteed one hundred percent
substandard.(Ali was supposed to say standard.)
Mr.Brown: Now, before we do anything else this evening, I want to
find a monitor. A monitor is a person who can take charge of the
class during my absent, somebody intelligent enough to assume
responsibility.
Mr.Brown: I'm going to ask you each to read a passage from the
newspaper. Then we'll discuss it together, OK? Max,You start.
Max: American Embassy bugged.
Mr.Brown: Good! Now dose anybody konw what that means?
Taro: It means American Embassy full of little insects.
Mr.Brown: No, Taro! They're not that sort of bugs! Listening devices.
Ali: You are putting some innocent lady in the pudding club. (in the
pudding club=pregnancy)
Ranjeet: I am up the creek without a puddle.
Mr. Brown: Paddle.
Ranjeet: This lady, is she resembling an elephant?
Miss Countney: I wouldn't exactly put it like that although she is
rather large.
Mr. Brown: Ask her to come along here.
Miss Countney: That's very irregular.
Mr. Brown: It is rather important.
Miss Countney: Very well,but don't make a habit of it.
Danielle: Prime minister sold a pup.
Mr. Brown: Good. Now that is a very good example of a figure of
speech. It dosen't mean what it says.
Su-lee: Typical of imperial poriticians who distort truth and suppress
working classes.
Mr. Brown: A figure of speech is a way of expressing an idea by way
of contrast or comparison. If you are being sold a pup or sold a
dummy, you are being cheated or deceived. In England, we use
figures of speech quite a lot. For example, we say as quick as
lightning, as light as a feather, as clean as a whistle. As blind as a
bat. As deaf as a ...Max?
Max: Postman.
Mr. Brown: No Max, Posts. Because posts can not hear. (As deaf as
a post)
Max: Neither can my postman.
Mr. Brown: Ali, as sly as a...
Ali: Sikh.
Mr. Brown: Fox. (As sly as a fox) as a mad as a ...Ranjeet?
Ranjeet: Muslim.
Mr. Brown: Hatter! (As mad as a hatter) Taro, as drunk as a ...
Taro: Newt.
Mr. Brown: Lord is more correct. (As drunk as a Lord) Jamila, as
white as...
Jamila: You.
Mr. Brown: Snow! Ali, as smooth as?
Ali: A baby's bottoms.
Mr. Brown: With all due respect, she was a couple on her own!
Giovanni: It's a sheer coincidence.
Mr. Brown: I thought she'd agreed to release you from the marriage
now.
Ranjeet: Yes, she has. But her farther is coming here to see you
about your marriage now.
Mr. Brown: Look, there's not going to be any wedding I've broken it
off. I've written to her parents, explaining that I couldn't possibly marry
their daughter. I pointed out the differences between our religious and
cultural backgrounds. And the fact I have no intention of marrying
anyone. He should've got the letter this morning.
Ranjeet: Oh yes, he did. That is why he is coming. He is hoping to
be slicing you into many pieces.
Mr. Brown: Pardon?
Ranjeet: He say you are bringing disgrace on his daughter.
Mind your language S1E5 The best things in life
Ali: I am coming up on the puddles. the football puddles.
Mr. Brown: The football pools.
Ranjeet: That is typical of that Muslim twit! No brains whatsoever.
Mr. Brown: Do you wish to cash a cheque?
Danielle: How much to post a letter?
Mr. Brown: Is it someone in England?
Danielle: No, no, it's a Swiss letter.
Mr. Brown: Well, it's more correct to say you want to send a letter to
Switzerland, not a Swiss letter. It could be very embarrassing if you
were writing to someboday in France. (French letter = condom)
Mr. Brown: Don't be ridiculous.
Juan: Pretending. Haha...
Mr. Brown: Pretand you have a cold.
Ranjeet: A cold what?
Mr. Brown: Alright, let's forget about the cold. just imagine your have
a pain.
Mr. Brown: There's obviously been some misunderstanding.I'll sort it
out with the police. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Ali, I'll do
the talking, alright? you just leave it to me.
Police: Before you go sir, would u like to make a donation to our
Police charity fund?
Mr. Brown: Well as a matter of fact, you've caught me at a rather
awkaward moment.
Police: What about the five? You remember Sir, the one you thought
you never had. You know what they say, what you've never had you
never miss, unless you knew it was there all the time. In which case
it would come under bribery and corruption. You scratch my back
and I scratch yours.
Miss Countney: Well, untill Mr. Brown returns I shall take the class. I
shall ask you a few questions on general knowledge. Now first of all,
can anybody tell me who said "To be or not to be"?
Su-lee: Chairman Mao.
Miss Countney: It may come as a surprise to you, but other people
wrote things besides Chairman Mao.
Su-lee: He wrote everything.
Miss Countney: Are you not familiar with Shakespeare's works?
Miss Countney: Let me ask you a simple question. Can you tell me
how many P's there are in a pound?
Taro: Depend on size of peas.
Miss Countney: Now look, sir, it was obviously just been a
misunderstanding. I see no reason why we should pursue this any
further.
Police: What is your name?
Ali: Watt is not my name.
Police: I don't want to know what your name is not. What is your
name?
Ali: And I am telling you it is not.
Police: What is his name?
Ranjeet: Absolutely not.
Police: Not what?
Ranjeet: That is correct.
Police: What is your name?
Ranjeet: Wrong again.
Giovanni: He's not here.
Max: Yes.
Police:Who?
Max: Watt.
Police: Pardon?
Max: Who is not here and Watt is not here neither.
Police: You are all barmy.
Mr. Brown, if I promise not to proceed with this report, will you do me
a favour?
Mr. Brown: Yes, what is it?
Police: Take these crackpots out of here, and promise never to bring
them back. Even if they've commited a murder.
Miss Countney: Pls don't remind me of last night's unfortunate
incident. I hope you've explained to your Indian lady the difference
between Free and Free Offer.
Mind your language S1E6 Come back all is forgiven
Mr. Brown: If you want to argue argue in English.
Juan: Go back to Italy, you Italian spaghetti.
Giovanni: Your big Spanish omellette.
Giovanni: Maybe she's gonna give you the birthday present.
Mr. Brown: Yes and maybe the pope is getting married.
Giovanni: He is ? I never read that.
Mr. Brown: It was a joke.
Mr. Brown: would you all pay attention pls. I have sth rather important
to tell you. I'm afraid that Miss Countney has terminated my
engagement.
Ali: That is very big surprise to me.
Mr. Brown: Yes, it was a bit of a shock to me as well.
Ali: We are not knowing that you and Miss Countney were engaged.
Mr. Brown: You don't understand. I mean to coin a phrase I've been
given the boot. No Juan, can't you understand! I've been fired. I've
been given the bullet.
Giovanni: Santa Maria! She tried to shoot you?
Mr. Brown: No, I've been dismissed.
Giovanni: We have a strike.
Max: Yeah, let's have the strike.
Ranjeet: what is this strike? Does this mean we are going to be
fighting?
Giovanni: No, No, No. It's like a big onions.
Anna: What onions?
Giovanni: The trade onions.
Ali: Excuse me, I am thinking your strike not going to be working.
What we are needing is to be revolting.
Ranjeet: And I'm thinking you are already revolting. (revolting has
dislike meaning too.)
Miss Hardacre: I've come to drum English into your respective alien
heads.
Mind your language S1E7 The cheating game
Mind your language S1E13 The final exam
完结
