I am looking at you right now, but I don't even recognize you. Because my husband, the man that I married, would never talk to me the way that you did on that voice mail. Ever.
I didn't mean it. I was just...I was trying to hurt your feelings. I thought you were standing me up, and I...
Why would I stand you up? When have I ever not had your back?
Never. But if we're being honest, Beth, our rhythm has been off. All right? It's been off for months.
No, no. My rhythm is fine; your rhythm is off. And it's off because you're not getting what you want.
I'm not getting what I want?
No. Because I refuse to give up my own life to accommodate yours.
I've never asked...I am killing myself driving to Philly and back every day. If I'm lucky, I get a chance to catch the girls before they go to bed. If not, then I'm stuck sleeping on a pull-out in my office. I'm not even sworn in yet, Beth, and I am already swamped. But I still make it back for your dance recital. And I still make it home to watch the girls every time you have an evening class, because I want you to have your own life.
No, you don't. You just realized I'm not gonna stop teaching, but you are definitely not on board. No, no. For the past 20 years, I have stood by your side through every whim, every pipe dream, every flight of fancy that you can think of. And for the first time, the first time, I have a flight of fancy. Something that I want. And still, it becomes about you. Damn it, Randall, we have been having the same fight since we met. I don't want to be swallowed up by you, and then you sweet-talk me and do whatever the hell you want. You have turned me into your mother. Admit that you think that your job is more important than mine. We made a promise to one another that we would never get lost in each other, and I broke that promise. And you let me. You have let me bend to your every need time and time again. Oh, well have kids, I have to step back from my job. You quit your job, I work overtime. You have a dream of buying your father's building, it becomes my dream, too. You run for city councilman, I stand by your side. You win city councilman, now what? I'm supposed to give up what I love to become a politician's wife? How many dinners am I supposed to go to, Randall? And how long? And what if city council isn't enough? What then?
That's not I want.
No, I finally have something, I have something that I have been looking for longer than I knew, and I am not going to give that up. I am not going to bend. And that's the problem. Our lives don't work unless I'm doing the bending. It doesn't. And we both know it.
There's no debate team either. I think arguing with random strangers about weird stuff is stupid. You remember a while back when you took me to your dad's building because you wanted me to sign my adoption papers? Remember when...you told me you had everything you were gonna say planned out? You know, you're not the only one in the world who can drag somebody on a long car ride just to give them a big speech at a meaningful location. I lived in this house for eight months when my mom was in rehab. Now, there were houses where the parents drank more or...they hit harder, but, um...this house...this was Mr. and Mrs. Johnson's house. This is where they kept you hungry. Now, they would load up on foster kids, as many as they can get, just for the government stipend and they would blow all the money they got...on scratcher tickets. Anyway every single night, we would split a can of soup four ways, five ways. And just watch Mr. Johnson scratch his way through...$30 worth of those stupid scratcher tickets. One night, he didn't even bother to buy the soup. So...stole one of his tickets when he was getting up to grab a beer. And if we won, we were going to sneak out to buy burgers and fries and dip'em in the chocolate Frosties. But, of course... we didn't win. Nobody ever won at that house. Cause most people don't win, Randall. But you did. You won the lottery. You won it twice. Once when you got adopted and again when you met Beth. I don't know what's going on between you two, but you got to get it together. You owe it to the world...that let you win the lottery twice.
I love you, but I'm not ready to get married, because I haven't figured out my life yet, and I don't want...
What? What don't you want?
I don't want my life to be consumed by husband's. And, Randall, I love you, but... you consume things.
Marriage is...complicated. I know my son's passions tend to overwhelm, but you don't have to worry about losing yourself with him, because he'll never let that happen.
How do you know?
When Randall was 11, we stayed at the cabin for the summer. And I remember sitting out on the steps with him looking up at the stars. I was trying to find the Big Dipper. And he started crying. Hyperventilating. Having an anxiety attack. And after he calmed down, he told me why he was upset. You know, he was looking up at this big, open sky, and he felt really small. He was scared because he didn't know where he fit in the universe. Well, seven years ago, after he met you, he called me. Told me he no longer had that fear.
What are you doing in here? It's bad luck to see each other before the wedding.
Well, that's why I'm not looking. How the hell are you still writing your vows?
No, I'm not writing them. I'm... just revising them. Okay? And you're one to talk. Kevin said you were still working on yours.
Well, the reason mine aren't written is because I've been working on getting this wedding ready all week. Which I did on my own, mind you, because you were too busy with writing the wedding vows of the century.
I was trying to make them perfect. Wait. You really feel like you planned this wedding all by yourself?
No, I'm just stressed.
What do you want to do about the vows?
Let's just write them together. You know? Right now.
You want to cowrite the wedding vows?
Yeah. Randall, we're better together. That's why we're doing this whole thing. Come on. Right now, Let's just take turns and speak from the heart. Okay? Come here.
Beth...I'm sorry I spent too much time working on my vows. As you we'll know, sometimes I overthink everything. But not with you. Every part of me belongs to you. Your heart is unlike anything I've ever known. You're my steady place, Beth. I'm the best version of me when I'm with you. And that's not just because you stepped my fashion game up. Beth, I want to be the man that you deserve. And...I promise to spend the rest of my life earning your love, because you are the only thing...the only thing I'm ever going to need.
Randall, I wasn't expecting you. I didn't think that we would end up together. The single most...extraordinary thing I've ever done with my life is falling in love with you. I've never been seen so completely, loved so passionately, protected so fiercely. Honestly, Randall, when I look in your eyes, I see my home. I see eternity. And no matter what may come our way...I promise that I'll always choose you. I love you.
I love you, too.
Let's get married.
Okay.
Do you remember when I told you I was gay? I thought coming out to you guys would be the hardest part, but instead I just have a million more questions about myself. Like, what clothes make me feel like " The Real Me"? What books should I be reading? What movies should I be seeing? When will I finally decide to tell my friends? What you got?
I...I've never been through what you're going through right now. Tess, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I know how you're feeling, okay, cause I don't. But you know this whole idea of not really knowing who you are deep down inside, that's my life story. I'll tell you what, one thing that I have learned. I don't think we figure out exactly who we are all at once. I think it happens over a long period of time, just like piece by piece, you know? Like, um...Okay, take me for instance. A couple years ago, I get close with your dad, and I find a piece of myself in that. And then I meet your aunt, and I, and I find another piece of myself. Honey, I think that's sort of how it works, you know. I think we go through this life slowly but surely, just collecting these little pieces of ourselves that we can't really live without until, you know, eventually, we have enough of them to where we feel whole.
And you think that'll happen for me?
Nah, probably not. I mean, you're not that special. Do I think it will happen for you? I know it will happen for you. Tess Pearson, you, my niece, have so many years ahead of you to find all of your pieces. Now was that corny or did I just nail it?
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